


Hugs | Tommyinnit angst

by Fizzipop



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angry TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Out of Character, Recovery, Suicide Attempt, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28561221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fizzipop/pseuds/Fizzipop
Summary: Tommy has been in the foster care system for as long as he could remember. Something to do with his parents being drug addicts, blah blah blah. He didn't pay attention when his foster parents at the time told him.No one wanted him for long. Always complaining he was too loud, or energetic, or rude. So he'd bounce from house to house, never considering one his home.Maybe that was why he he sat there, pills cupped in his shaky hands. No one wanted him, no one loved him.Or maybe it was as simple as no one had ever hugged him.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 68
Kudos: 830





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Woah okay, never thought i'd be writing a tommyinnit angst fanfic, but here i am.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just sorta a introduction to this AU's Tommy and his life.

Tommy has been in the foster care system for as long as he could remember. Something to do with his parents being drug addicts, blah blah blah. He didn't pay attention when his foster parents at the time told him.

He had been too busy boucing his legs, fiddling with his fingers and wondering when the fuck was his mummy and daddy coming to pick him up. (He'd heard that funky word a few times when his parents were arguing. He wasn't sure what it meant.)

Honestly, young Tommy wasn't sure if he wanted them to come back. They left the four-year-old alone most of the time, and when they would come home (separate, obviously) they would smell yucky.

When they came home, he hid in the cupboard under the sink. He didn't like the screaming, it hurt his ears.

Current Tommy would give anything for his parents to come back, to pick him up. Because he was their son, full, blood son. They had to love him right? He wouldn't mind the smell, the screams, the tears. He just wanted to be loved.

Thats what he told himself when he curled up in his pristine sheets at night.

_____

Sometimes Tommy felt guilty. He lived in an upper middle class home with foster parents who fed him, kept him healthy and gave him a roof over his head. He should be thankful. But instead, all he felt was the cold numbness that took over him whenever they gave him a pat on the head or smiled his way.

They cared, but they didn't love him.

Not in the way his real parents do.

They do love him, right?

_____

He didn't know when he befriended Tubbo. It just happened. He was scrolling through Youtube, using the expensive new phone his foster parents bought him (guilt stabbed him whenever he looked at it), when Tubbo's Minecraft stream came up.

Tommy had never heard of Minecraft, as he usually stayed in his room all day, curled up in his bed. It fascinated him. The blocks, the monsters, and the silly way that water would save you no matter the height.

He knew water could be as hard as cement if you fell from a high enough place. (He locked that fact in his mind. 12-year-old Tommy didn't know why)

He had commented on his stream, complementing his house and adding a few idea's here and there. After a few months, Tubbo and him started talking one on one and eventually took the risk and called eachother. He was always quiet, hushed, but for some reason Tubbo still talked to him. 

A few months after they started regular calls, Tommy built up the courage to ask his foster parents for Minecraft. They agreed immediatly, happy that Tommy had a friend

He had absolutely no idea how to play this game, but it automatically had a place in his heart.

And a while later, so did Tubbo.

_____

He's 13 now, and he had started streaming Minecraft on his own channel, called Tommyinnit. He and Tubbo almost always streamed together, farming and fighting, eating and playing with eachother.

Tubbo and him had met up a few times now, and he could honestly say that Tubbo was the most important person in his life. (He ignored the stab of guilt when he thought of his foster parents)

No one followed him. Tommy tried to convince himself it was ok. Tubbo said it took a while for him to gain even 1 sub, so it was fine.

He ignored the whispers in his head that told him it wasn't. That said he was unloveable.

____

A year later, new neighbors moved in, and his foster mom hurridly baked some cookies for 14-year-old Tommy to bring over.

It was three young adults, all males and when he brought the cookies over, he plastered a bright, crooked grin on his face. 

He hopped up the steps and knocked on the door.

There was a thump, as if some one had dropped something, and yelp of surprise before one of them yelled a loud, 'I'll be there in a minute'.

Tommy shifted his weight from one foot to another.

The door slammed open and Tommy flinched not-so-subtly and stregthened his smile. A man who seemed to be in his twenties was standing there. He had curly brown hair.

"Hello?" The man seemed confused, so Tommy raised the tin of cookies for the man to see.

"Uh, I brought cookies for you,"

The man stared at him, and Tommy started getting nervous. Did he have something on his face? Did he say something rude? What could he have said. Ohmygod his new neighbors are gonna hate him.

In his panic, he said the first thing to come to mind.

"...bitch." He added.

What the fuck. He was a mess.

Surprisingly, the man didn't seem to be offended. Instead, he laughed and a bright grin formed on his face, and he reached out to take the tin. Tommy placed it in his hands, his smile now becoming genuine.

The man started rambling.

"Yknow for the past few days we've been living off of instant ramen. Its good shit, but thats stuff gets old fast. Not particularly healthy either. It'll be nice to have something freshly cooked for once. Er, I guess baked. Thanks man!"

He finished off with a smile so wide his eyes squeezed shut.

Tommy fiddled with his hands, determined to keep up his act. "No problem bitchboy"

The man rolled his eyes, smile still present on his face. "I have a name you know"

Tommy squinted at him, and sarcasticaly replied. "You look like a Bob to me, but I'm not sure. Could be Bitch."

He rolled his eyes again. "My name is Wilbur Soot, yours?"

"Tommy"

"Ah, I should've known."

"WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN, YOU BITCH!?"

_______

He later met the other two, Phil and Techno. The man had asked him to call him that, and Tommy wasn't quite sure why. But he rolled with it. The guy was scary.

They were nice. Not as nice as Tubbo, no one could be as nice as Tubbo in Tommy's books, but they had quickly become part of his life as well.

His foster parents were conflicted letting him hang out with a bunch of adults, which was understandable, but all Tommy wanted to do was be with the people who made him feel happy. And if that was a group of adults who played Minecraft for a living and a teen he'd met off that game, then so be it. He was happy. His make-shift family was happy.

They would play Minecraft for hours and hours, Tubbo meeting the three and instantly bonding with them as well, and eventually they found a man who called himself Dream on youtube, and befriended him and his friends as well.

His family had grown, and so had his happiness.

________

He was 16 when it happened again.

His foster parents didn't want him anymore.  
________

It was totally humiliating when he stood on the porch of Phil, Wilbur and Techno's house, preparing to tell them he was leaving. He couldn't just say they were moving; his ex-foster parents were staying and the three guys knew them well.

He had to tell the truth. But he knew the moment he did, this beautiful family would shatter. No one would like him. His friends would leave him, his subscribers, everyone. This lie he created would break and everything he worked so hard to hide would come directly into the lime light.

He raised his fist to knock.

And then he high tailed it outta there, bolting right into his ex-foster parents car where they were waiting to take him back. They said he was too loud, too crazy, they didn't like his youtube career.

He never said goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, thank you for over 100 kudos already! I really hope you like this chapter. It's kinda a filler, in the POV of Wilbur, who has no idea why tommy isnt answering.

Wilbur knew something was up the moment he saw Tommy outside his door. He was in the kitchen and in direct view was the window beside the front door. And there stood Tommy. Standing, staring and not doing shit.

He saw him raise his fist to knock. He saw him run as if some one was chasing him. And he saw him get in his parents car and drive away.

He didn't do anything, but that feeling was there. Suspicion, confusion, all mixed into one. He knew something was wrong. Tommy was never heisitant to come blasting through their door, no matter the time. 

He fondly remembers once when they were streaming together with Tubbo, at 11pm and Tommy had raged so much that he came storming through their front door and called him a bitch at least ten times.

It was only a good memory because it had woken up Phil, who had then woken up Techno, who thought there was an intruder. He almost killed Tommy with a baseball bat, before realizing that it was him and dropping it right before it came in contact with his head.

Wilbur had a good laugh at Tommy's horrified face.

But Wilbur wasn't laughing now. Something was up with Tommy, and he was gonna find out what. 

...without alerting Phil or Techno, cause they got crazy whenever something's wrong with Tommy.

'No' Wilbur reminded himself. 'There /might/ be something wrong with Tommy'.

He sighed and continued on in the kitchen.

________

The next day, judging by the car in his driveway, Tommy's parents were back. So Wilbur sucked it up and went next door. He always knew Tommy's parents weren't fond of him, Techno and Phil. With a good reason, of course. Who would like three kinda sus adults who played Minecraft and hung out with your 16 year old kid? 

Knowing this, he dressed up in his most fancy-casual clothes, purposely trying to not look like a guy who played a videogame for a living. 

Wilbur huffed. He hated those stereotypes. Yes, some are deadbeats who are living in their moms basement, but thats their problem. Couldn't they see that he was a functioning member of society? Just 'cause he has a job doing the thing he loves most doesn't mean shit.

He shook his head, clearing away those thoughts. Now was not the time to go on an internal rant about stereotypes.

Opening his front door, hand stopped him.

It was Techno.

Wilbur turned around to face the long, pink haired man in the face, stepping back into their house.

"Where are you going?" He asked, a frown on his face and phone in hand.

Wilbur shuffled nervously

One one hand, if he told Techno that he was worried about Tommy, he'd have some one to come with him. On the other hand, Techno would probably freak out, and most likely punch something. He did not want him to break another glass cabnet. 

Techno sighed. "It's about Tommy isn't it?"

He held up his phone to show Wilbur dozens of texts from Techno to Tommy, all of them read, but no replies.

Wilbur stared. That wasn't right. Tommy always replied immediatly, no matter the time of day. School or not. It was just after noon on a Sunday, so Tommy should be talking their ears off, or streaming.

But he was doing neither.

And that made Wilbur even more worried.

"I was just about to go knock on Tommy's door , wanna come?" Wilbur asked, only now explaining where he was previously going.

Techno shook his head. "Pretty sure they're scared of me, its best if I don't show up demanding the location of their son"

Wilbur nodded thoughtfully. Even though Techno cared for his friends (family), he had a rough exterior which sometimes scared people off. If they wanted to find out what's wrong with Tommy (if there's anything wrong) it's better if a less... threatening person shows up.

"Yeah, it's probably better. Well, I'll be back soon"

Wilbur left the house and walked across their lawn onto his friend's property. He skipped the steps, jumping right up onto the porch and ringed the doorbell.

Tommy's mom opened the door and when she saw who it was a strange look crossed her face. Something close to... guilt?

Wilbur cleared his throat. "Uhm, hello ma'am, I'm looking for Tommy is he here?"

The woman's face turned stone cold, and she spat out a quick, curt "No" before slamming the door in Wilbur's face.

Wilbur stared at the shut door for a solid minute, before turning around and quietly walking down the steps and back into his house. Techno was waiting for him, and raised an eyebrow when Wilbur shut the door.

"So?" He pushed, eyes narrowing.

Wilbur shrugged. "The lady said Tommy wasn't there before -very rudely, if i may add- shutting the door."

Techno growled before marching up the stairs and slamming the dooe to his room. Moments later, Phil came down the stairs, arms crossed and a sigh already leaving his body.

"What happened this time, Wilbur?" 

Wilbur rolled his eyes.

"Techno's mad because we don't know where Tommy is and he isn't answering our texts. I didn't do anything!"

Phil's eyes widened. "Tommy's missing!?"

Wilbur nodded, and then winced and corrected himself. "He's not.. missing, it's just that we don't know where he is. His parents obviously do." He spat the last part out with venom. 

Phil raised an eyebrow but kept silent.

"I'll text Tubbo" Phil stated, before rushing to his room to get his phone.

Tubbo! Of course! 

Wilbur sighed in relief. Phil always knew what to do. Tubbo would know where Tommy is, and why he isn't responding to their texts and calls. Those two were like two peas in a pod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its shorter than normal, i'm still getting used to Ao3, as im normally using Wattpad, but im getting better :)
> 
> Next chapter should be out soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy finally breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF THE SUPPORT!!! I truely appreciate every last one of those kudos and comments! I never thought this would get so much attention.

Tommy stared at his phone, not wanting to look up and accidently meet his ex-foster dad's eyes in the rear view mirror. 20 texts from Wilbur, 3 missed calls. 32 texts from Phil, 6 missed calls 53 texts from Tubbo, 12 missed calls. And.... What the hell. 100+ texts from Techno, 34 missed calls. Tommy gulped. Techno was gonna be pissed. No, enraged. But he couldn't answer. He'd eventually blurt it out and then they would all hate him. He realized how stupid that sounded, but he couldn't get it out of his head that the fact that his foster parents didn't want him /again/, would make his friends realize that they didn't like him either. Because why wouldn't they? Tommy was surprised that they stuck with him for this long. No one ever had before. It was normal to him. He shouldn't feel sad anymore, he shouldn't be selfish. It wasn't his countless foster parents's fault, it was his. He silently promised himself to do better at his next home. Despite all of this, he couldn't help but feel a burning anger towards all of the families who had brought him home and then sent him away again. It was white-hot, consuming all of him, and when he took a glance towards his newest ex foster parents, the feeling grew and he could feel his blood pumping. His phone dinged, and he glanced down.

It was from Wilbur.

It was a simple 'where are you Tommy?', but just knowing that he cared was enough to make Tommy's eyes burn.

They all cared so much and here he was, ignoring them. He was so selfish, so so selfish. He blinked rapidly, internally cursing his leaky tear ducts.

The car stopped, and Tommy was forced to look away from his phone. His ex foster parents were getting out, so Tommy unbuckled his seatbelt and hopped out of the car, one hand holding his phone and the other grabbing his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder.

He pocketed his phone as he headed towards the trunk, purposely not meeting the adult's eyes, and instead opened the trunk and carefully took out a big, black suitcase. It was hella expensive, but it was padded and he had stuffed bubblewrap in there as well, (Tommy collected bubblewrap). In the big, expensive suitcase was his whole set up for streaming and recording video's. He had paid for all of it by himself, so his ex foster parents legally had to let him take the equipment.

He didn't trust them not to break it, so he lifted it up, arms straining and quivering, but managing. His ex-foster mom grabbed the rest of his things. His social worker was waiting for him on the steps of the foster care home. She smiled and waved, bouncing down the steps to take Tommy's things from his ex foster parents. She was middle aged, with chestnut hair and murky green eyes. Her name was Linda. She was nice, Tommy grudgingly thought, but in a sickening way that made him want to gag. She cared too much, and it didn't make sense why she cared about him. He wasn't her kid. Tommy zoned out when she and his ex foster parents started talking, thinking back to Phil, Techno, Wilbur and Tubbo. They had no idea where he was, if he was okay, an when he'd be back. He felt guilty, but the fear of them finding out he was an abandoned kid overuled the guilt.

He tuned back in to the conversation when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Linda was glaring at the two adults across from them, clearly upset with whatever they had said. Tommy assumed they had been explaining why they didn't want him anymore. Tommy understood. He was too loud, always yelling and laughing and when he wasn't, he was dead silent, not speaking, not doing shit.

Linda obviously did /not/ understand, as her hand was protectively on his shoulder and her disaproving gaze was turned upon his ex foster parents. She turned to him, and it softened. She smiled.

"Do you want to say goodbye?" She asked, a questioning look in her eyes.

Ah, the silent question. 'Were they good parents?'

Tommy didn't know. They bought lots of things for him, and he was so so grateful, they never yelled or screamed or hurt him, and they fed him. But.... they didn't love him. They cared, yeah, but not lovingly. They cared because they were forced to, and Tommy didn't blame them for not loving him. 

But for fucks sake, it /hurt/. He fet the familiar stinging in his eyes, and he ducked his head. They chose him, so why couldn't they love him?

"No." He whispered, and he turned and stormed up the front steps to the foster care building.

________

It's been two days since he arrived back at the main building. He got a room, which he shared with a younger boy who's name he couldn't be bothered with. The boy had introduced himself the day he arrived, but Tommy didn't respond. He had been too busy reading all the messages his friends had sent him, only to not text back.

He felt awful. He hadn't showered for days, and he refused to leave his room. It was as if before he had been in shock, and now all the past events had smacked him in the face, leaving a big, ugly bruise.

He was starving, as no one bothered to try and convince him to come out of his room for meals, and he had already eaten all the snacks that were in his backpack.

Tommy sighed, and rolled over onto his stomach, the ceiling getting boring.

His eyes closed, and his mind was slowly turning to mush, when there was a knock on the door

"Tommy?" 

It was Linda. That bitch. Wait no, she's nice. What the fuck. 

Tommy's mind was a mess, and he let out a hoarse laugh. His eyes remained shut. 

Linda sighed, and welcomed herself in. That pissed off Tommy, but he still refused to say anything. Linda sat on the end of Tommy's bed, wringing her hands nervously. Tommy squeezed his eyes even tighter, angrily holding back tears as his tear ducts had betrayed him. "Get out." He tried to sound intimidating, but his voice wavered and cracked, revealing his emotions. Linda ignored him and placed one hand on his leg, the touch immediately making him curl up. "Get. Out." He was pissed off. Why wasn't she listening!? Everyone else left him, why wouldn't she!? JUST FUCK.OFF!!!! He didn't let any of his internal fight be known to his social worker, he kept it all inside, tightly wrapped with a bow on top. Perhaps that was unhealthy and unsafe, but Tommy didn't care. No one cared about him, so why should he spill his guts to some bitch who pretended to be kind? He shouldn't, that's what he told himself, so he didn't. He started to cry. Thick, hot salty drops rolled down his face and spilt onto his red and white shirt. The one he had been wearing for the past two days. He didn't want to cry. It was stupid, crying. He was always told whenever he would cry that crying was for pathetic people. That it was a sign of weakness. And although a part of Tommy's brain knew that his multiple foster parents were just trying to make him stop for their own selfish reasons, he couldn't help but believe the lies he had been told. He didn't want to cry. But he did. He cried and sobbed and screamed into his pillow, and Linda didn't know what to do, for the only emotion she had ever seen on Tommy had been anger. So she sat there, patting his leg and whispering comforting words that were never heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok y'all, how was it? I tried my best and based Tommy's breakdown on my own, so i hope it was understandable. See, when i shut down, i get angry and start screaming in my head while it looks like im dead to the world. And when some one starts to talk to me, it triggers the tears for whatever reason.
> 
> Hey, so just to be clear, there are no ships in this fic. Everything is strictly platonic :)
> 
> Also how the fuck do you do italics and shit. Im so confused. WHY ARE THERE RANDOM CHUNKS OF WRITING EVEN THOUGH I SPACED IT OUT AAAAAAAAAAHHHH
> 
> pls i grew up on wattpad and i dont know anything.


End file.
